Blondes fight more vampires.

(Source: comicqueens, via fycomicbookfriendships)

Good for you, Aquaman.

retrogasm:

Aquaman…

He always has a backup plan.

(Source: klaatu)

“Baby, it’s not a big deal.”

Fuck you, Toad.

I wish things could’ve turned out differently, Brundlefly.

He’s got quite the attitude.

(Source: nuggits2, via theonecorey)

I saw The Cabin in the Woods this evening and in the interest of a spoiler-free blog post, I’ll just say that it reminded me how much I love crazy, bad ass monsters.

Which is why I’m here to talk about a horse of a different color.  Commonly green or blue, but traditionally black.  Yeah, I’m basing those assumptions off deviantART and a Google image search, but this evil equine doesn’t have much in the way of a public persona.  Kelpie keeps it so down low, it’s underwater.

That picture tells the whole story.  Basically, that poor fucker on Kelpie’s back was out on the moors one night, probably a few pints of Guinness in, and thinking about how poorly he handled the situation at the pub with the McHoolihan lass.  Oh, unnamed Irishman, when will you get your act together?

Things aren’t going his way.  Until a wet ray of black light steps out of the loch.  “A harse!” exclaims our intoxicated, accented hero.  Hoofing it home on a horse is a vast improvement over hoofing it home on a human hoof.  So sure enough, ol’ Irish takes a swig from his ever present flask of potato whiskey and climbs on.

And that’s how Kelpie gets you.  Drunk on the moors, down on your luck, and in need of a ride, Kelpie is more than happy to oblige.  Because when you hop on Kelpie, you stick to Kelpie.  This isn’t just a safety feature.  Once you’re stuck, Kelpie doesn’t hightail up the road.  He saunters back into whatever watering hole he came out of, and you’re going with him.  To be fucking eaten.

That’s right.  The Kelpie Monstering Plan works something like this:
Step 1: Make motherfucker think you’re a horse
Step 2: Wait for motherfucker to climb onto your adhesive back
Step 3: Drown motherfucker (Optional)
Step 4: Eat motherfucker

So, basically, don’t trust Kelpie.  He’s got a limited bag of tricks, but he knows what works.  And stay off the goddamn moors.

It was an inhuman intelligence that allowed Scott Howard to construct a rocket capable of interplanetary travel, but our hero reasoned long ago that if NASA was too underfunded and dunderheaded to do the deed, he himself would undertake an extra-orbital voyage within a machine of his own mental machinations.

“Surely you can provide us with the schematics,” said NASA.

Scott scoffed.  “I could give them to you, but you wouldn’t get them.”  Idiots, he thought to himself, slamming the door on the undeniably phallic HOWARD-1.

The trip to Venus was brief, for Scott designed the engines himself.  Instead of napping, he studied current events.  “Too bad I won’t be back home to reveal the truth of the Trayvon Martin incident,” Scott said to no one in particular.

Earth would have to find its own justice, for its most inspiring son just landed on the second planet of Sol.  Adventure and Venusian women awaited our hero, who vowed to get all up in both.

As the door to the HOWARD-1 opened, Scott laughed at the cruel elements.  Venus was a goddess of love, but the planet sharing her namesake did not share her welcoming bosom.  Venus the Planet was quite inhospitable.  And fucking hot.

It was then that our cocksure hero began to asphyxiate.  As his face purpled, his skin burst into flames a microsecond later.  Venus was a hateful mistress.

And Scott Howard realized he should read a science book once in a while.

pacalin:

sweet

herochan:

Rogues Gallery

 - illustrated by Natalie Smith (who is doing a Batman themed drawing a week and sharing them on her Tumblr account at scarlettveith.tumblr.com.  Go take a look!)